Why waking Dad up is okay on Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads! I’ll keep it simple (after all, that is what Dad really wants) with a Dad joke and a recipe for Maple Pecan Rolls that are a guaranteed way to wake Dad on Sunday.


The Joke


So this guy gets lost driving around in the country. He finds himself down a dirt road when he sees a sign in front of this broken down, dilapidated house. " For Sale - One Talking Dog" Out of curiosity, he stops at the house and knocks on the front door. He hears a faint reply “Coming.” After what seems like ages a little old lady finally answers the door and tells him the dog is in the backyard.


The guy walks around the house into the backyard. Just sitting there in the shade of an old maple tree was a Labrador retriever.

"So, you talk?" he asks feeling a little silly.

"Yes, sir" the Labrador replies.

The guy almost falls over from the shock of hearing a dog talk. After he catches himself he finally thinks to ask the dog, "what's your story?"


The Labrador looks up with a sort of wistful look and replys, "Well, I knew that I was different at a pretty young age. It wasn’t long before I figured out that I could talk. I Knew I wanted to do something great with my life and help people. The government seemed like a good place to go, so I joined the CIA. It wasn’t long at all before they had me traveling all over the world, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders. No one ever suspected that a dog would be eavesdropping.


"I was one of the CIA’s most valued spies for eight years. After awhile all the traveling really burned me out. I wasn't getting any younger, so I felt like it was the right time for me to settle down. After I left the CIA I worked for the TSA at the airport doing undercover security. I would wander around near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible things and I was awarded a batch of medals.”


"All the while I got married and had a mess of puppies who are all grown up and on their own. Now, I'm just retired."

 

The guy is flabbergasted by what he had just heard. He walks back to the front door and knocks again. When the owner answers again he asks her what she wants for the dog.

"Twenty bucks," the old lady says.

"Twenty dollars? That dog is amazing! After all that he has done, why on earth are you selling him so cheap?!"

"Because that dog's a damn liar. He didn’t do any of that shit."


The Recipe - Maple Pecan Rolls

 

The Dough

4 large egg yolks

1 large whole egg

1 / 4 cup sugar

6 tablespoons melted unsalted butter

3 / 4 cup buttermilk

4 cups all-purpose flour

1 package instant dry yeast

1 1 / 4 tsp kosher salt

Canola oil or cooking spray

 

Whisk together the egg yolks, whole egg, sugar, butter, and buttermilk. Once mixed add the flour along with the yeast and salt. Mix again to combine. Turn the dough out onto a floured work surface. Knead until smooth, soft dough forms. Lightly oil a large bowl and move the dough to the bowl. Roll to cover with oil. Cover the dough with a dish towel and let double in volume. Approximately 2 to 2 1/2 hours.



The Filling

1 / 2 cup chopped pecans

1 / 2 cup dark brown sugar

2 tsp ground cinnamon

Pinch salt

1 1/2 tablespoons unsalted butter

 

Combine the brown sugar, cinnamon, salt and pecans for the filling in a medium bowl. Mix until well incorporated. Set-aside.


The Syrup

1 cup real maple syrup

8 tablespoons unsalted butter

1 cup light brown sugar

1 / 2 cup chopped pecans

 

Spray a 9” round baking dish with a nonstick spray.

In a medium saucepan, melt the butter. Once melted, slowly add in the maple syrup. Stir to combine. Add in the brown sugar and slowly stir in until dissolved. Mix in pecans and allow to cool slightly. Pour into the bottom of your greased 9” round pan.


Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured work surface and roll out into an 18 by 12-inch rectangle. Brush the dough with the melted butter leaving a 1/2-inch border along one of the short edges. Sprinkle the filling mixture over the dough leaving a 3/4-inch border along the same edge. Gently press the filling into the dough. Beginning with the opposite end from the border, roll the dough into a tight cylinder. Firmly pinch the seam to seal the dough. Roll the cylinder so that it is seam side down and very gently squeeze the cylinder to create even thickness. Let rest your dough rest for a few minutes.


Using a serrated knife, slice the cylinder into 5 equal rolls. Arrange the rolls in the baking dish. Cover tightly with plastic wrap and store in the refrigerator overnight.


Remove the rolls from the refrigerator and place them in an oven that is turned off. Fill a shallow pan ⅔  of the way full with boiling water. Set on the shallow pan on the rack below the rolls. Close the oven door and let the rolls rise until they look slightly puffy. Approximately 30 minutes.


Remove the rolls and the shallow pan of water from the oven.


Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.


When the oven is preheated, place the rolls on the middle rack (you may want to put a baking sheet underneath. Maple Caramel isn’t fun to clean off the bottom of an oven if it boils over. Trust me, I have learned the hard way) and bake until golden brown, Approximately 30 to 40 minutes.


Allow to cool for 15min. Cover with a large plate and carefully and quickly flip them over and out onto the plate.



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